Being a middle-aged single woman is a rollercoaster — a wild ride filled with highs of self-discovery and the occasional loop-de-loop of societal expectations. It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while blindfolded. Let me take you through this maze of my experiences and revelations.
Let’s talk about the hurdles first. Dating at this stage? It’s a whole new game. When I was younger, it was all about looks and fun, but now? It’s about finding someone who stimulates my mind, shares my values, and has put in the hard work on themselves as I have done over the last 14 years. I am too tired to be teaching someone how I should be treated. By this stage, mutual respect should be a habit, not a lesson. My standards might seem sky-high, but damn it, I’ve spent years evolving into who I am today. I’ve hustled to become this kickass, independent woman society told me to be, only to be called “intimidating” now. Like, seriously? I did the homework, and now I scare people off?
My views on relationships have taken a complete 180. I grew up in an era where marriage was supposed to be this melding of two souls into one, where he was in charge and I would politely follow. Now? I’m all about finding a partner, a ride-or-die buddy who walks beside me, not trailing behind or storming ahead. Someone who walks beside me, if one falls behind, the other helps. I don’t want someone to be my caretaker and I don’t want to be someone’s mother.
You know what brings me joy? My own damn company. I can wine and dine solo, and appreciate the little things like a bird in a tree or a leaf dancing in the wind. Small miracles, you know?
Society’s got this knack for butting in where it doesn’t belong. I caved once, got hitched because that’s what “everyone did.” It was a dumpster fire. I’m no longer buying into the pressure. If I’m single, it’s because I’m picky, and I’m cool with that. Vulnerability scares me more than a horror movie marathon, but I’m willing to open up — if someone’s worth it.
Independence? Yeah, I’ve got it in spades. Maybe too much. I’m working on letting someone in without losing myself in the process.
The perks of being single at this age? Freedom, baby! No suffocating relationships, no compromises. I’m the boss of my life — I decide what to watch, when to sleep, and how to dress. Cleavage-glam or swamp witch attire — my call. I will not go back to someone telling me what to wear, where I can go, or even how many squares of toilet paper I’m allowed to use. (That’s right, that happened).
As for societal pressure? Screw that noise. I’m not a baby person, I don’t want children and that’s perfectly acceptable, and my relationship status or sexual orientation is nobody’s business but mine.
So, let’s quickly debunk some myths about single, middle-aged women.
They’re Desperate for a Partner:
There’s a common assumption that SMAW are desperately seeking a partner and are unhappy being alone. While companionship might be desired, many women in this demographic embrace their independence and relish the freedom it offers. They’re happy and comfortable and aren’t willing to give it up for just anyone.
They’re “Crazy Cat Ladies”: The stereotype of single middle-aged women surrounded by a horde of cats perpetuates the idea that their choice to have cats is a sign of loneliness or inability to find human connection. In reality, having a cat, or 20, is a personal choice based on companionship preferences rather than a substitute for sub-par human relationships.
Cats are intelligent, emotionally mature, honest creatures, better company than some people we’ve dated. They’re a choice, not a backup plan.
They’re Embittered or Unfulfilled: Society often portrays SMAW as embittered, unfulfilled individuals who failed to find love or happiness. In truth, many of these women lead fulfilling lives, pursuing personal passions, careers, and hobbies, finding contentment in their choices without the hindrance of a partner.
They’re Set in Their Ways: Another myth is that single middle-aged women are inflexible and set in their routines, making it challenging to adapt to a partner. While they might cherish their independence, many are open to and capable of adjusting and compromising in a relationship, if they believe that that person is worthy of it.
They’re “Leftovers”: There’s an unfortunate societal notion that SMAW are leftovers, having missed the chance for marriage or family. This is a narrow-minded view that disregards individual life choices and fails to recognize the richness of their experiences and accomplishments.
They’re Unable to Maintain Relationships: There’s a misconception that women who reach middle age without a long-term partner are incapable of sustaining relationships. However, many of these women have meaningful friendships, strong family ties, and successful professional connections, showcasing their ability to maintain healthy relationships. It could also be that they haven’t been willing to settle, which is admirable as too many people settle when they think that they can’t find anyone.
I’ve been married before and have come very close to remarrying several times since. But you know what, I haven’t been willing to settle. Yes, being a middle-aged single woman can be messy, but it’s also liberating and wonderful and I am not willing to give it up for someone who isn’t my best friend, my partner in crime, someone who isn’t willing to hide the body with me.
My advice to fellow SMAW? Love yourself, enjoy the ride, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. And if you’re feeling lonely, hit me up. We’ll Golden Girl it up and have a blast over cheesecake.