I am tired, so crushingly tired. Moving house is stressful enough, but moving towns that have different municipalities, different traffic departments, different rules needing different licenses, and different paperwork, is a whole new level of stress. But by far, the hardest thing I’ve had to do is try to get internet. I can’t even talk about it right now because as soon as I think about it, I start getting chest pains. Actual chest pains, I’m not being overly dramatic. I get pains right between my breasts, like a stabbing pain.
Speaking of cracks and cleavages; I was in the post office on Monday morning to get something printed for my license application. It was so hot far too early in the morning and I was fighting a losing battle, sweating like a piece of cheese that had been left out on a summer afternoon. I felt a bead of sweat on my spine trickle down my back, in a straight line, first, it was a slow and gradual move, then it started to speed up like the Cool Runnings team in their toboggan. The sweat bead, which was actually larger than I’d have expected, zoomed down my spine in a straight line and like the toboggan taking off into the air when hitting a hill, it took a jump at L5S1 and dove head first into my butt crack. It then trickled down the canyon till it went where no sweat has ever gone before. This was all happening in secret while I stood in line behind my Mother in a post office full of people. This little Olympic-level sports event was happening beneath my clothes and nobody knew about it. It made me think of how sometimes, for women, a fart will go rogue, and instead of heading backward and dissipating, they sometimes roll forward, forming a bubble when it hits moisture and the bubble then keeps traveling forward, giving you a little burst of naughty pleasure as it travels forward until reaches your clitoris where it bangs up against a wall, if you’re lucky, it will linger there for a second or two before popping, giving you a little mini party in your pants. And nobody around you knows about it. Along with these weirdly pleasurable little incidences, is the hair in the crack when washing hair. Anyone with long hair has been here and will know what I am talking about. When washing your hair, strays will slide down your back in the stream of water, and sometimes they will slide perfectly straight, into your butt crack. Sometimes, they go quite far forward. You don’t realize this until you’re drying yourself off and the hair grabs onto the towel. As you pull the towel away, the hair slides out, tingling your nether region as it gets pulled from the front all the way through to the back and out of your crack. It’s little pleasures like these that can offer a moment of comedy during a stressful, difficult house move.
Learning to appreciate and enjoy the little, simple things in life has been a wonderful journey. Discovering pleasure in watching a bee on a flower, or a bird taking a bath in a water-filled pothole in the road. Incredible things are happening all around us, but humans are too busy running around chasing the impossible to notice just how much magic is all around us. Look up in a tree, you may see a magnificent owl looking down at you. The rats that run around at night, they’re playful with each other, and the baboons along the road are families, mothers caring for babies just like humans do too. The difference is, the owl, the rat, and the baboon, don’t treat each other with contempt or malice. They just get on with their own business. To ignore the simple things around us is quite possibly, in my opinion, one of the biggest crimes that we can commit against ourselves.
Try it. There is a world of pleasure and wonder out there just waiting for you.
